A) Late October 2008, Trader Joe's
Me: Oh look, their basil plants are on sale! Let's get one.
Mr. Bean: Sweetie, we don't really own plants. You kill them.
Me: This one will be different!
The basil plant was pronounced DOA in late December.
B) I've always found bonsai trees to be so peaceful. The idea that it takes 7 years to grow many of them to be a foot tall amazes me - what patience! I think they're truly beautiful and so does my cat. Or so did my cat...when he chewed off all the branches of my bonsai, swallowed them, and later regurgitated them all over my bed. Not good.
C) I have killed not 1 but 2 (TWO!) orchids within the last 9 months. The first was a gift from Mr. Bean in May as a consolation prize for him having to be gone to work over the summer (and a "thanks for tolerating my hell-like law school semester" treat, too). That one was dead within 3 weeks! The second one had served as a centerpiece for a banquet at my office, and they gave them to the staff. It lasted nearly 6 weeks, which is probably for me worth a lifetime achievement award of some sort.
D) Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree! How about Oh Dead Mini Christmas Tree? That's what the 9" pre-decorated minitree that I bought from Home Depot was BY THE TIME I GOT HOME FROM THE STORE! I was living in Dallas at the time and it was about 25 degrees and raining, which is uncommon in that area. My work shoes were soaked through, so of course I had the heat on full blast in the floorboard area...where the tree was. Poor pre-decorated minitree. By the time I got home and set you on the counter, you looked like a survival from the California wildfires times 2. Even the little fake ornaments were singed. RIP, you crispy-critter branched tree.
E) Okay, so I know a goldfish really doesn't count as a plant, but I have killed enough of them to where I believe they should make the list of my carnage. Some of them lived long enough for me to name, many did not.
But fear not! I have found the perfect solution that the folks at GreenFeet guarantee that even a plant and pet idiot (yes, that would be me) cannot kill: the Ecosphere.
Ecospheres are a totally enclosed ecosystem – completely self contained and self-sustaining miniature world. Inside each Ecosphere are active microorganisms, bright red shrimp and algae, that sustain each other in filtered seawater. Because the unit is a self-containing ecosystem, you never have to feed the life within. The Ecosphere is easy to care for too. Simply provide your sphere with a source of indirect natural (or artificial) light and enjoy this aesthetic blend of art and science, beauty and balance. Because the life within the Ecosphere utilize their resources without overpopulating or contaminating their environment, the Ecosphere requires no cleaning and only minimal care.
Note the three phrases that I underlined! So animals and plant life in one setting that apparently is indestructible. This is perfect for me!