JAKs by Miss Oops

I do not think my body was intended to belong to a 1980s kid - imagine Marilyn Monroe without the boobs. An hourglass without the tatas who would later attempt to wear low-rise jeans with a 2-inch zipper that cut her large ass in half like some demented mandoline. If I do manage to find some non-granny low risers that cover my caboose, they most certainly will expose a great amount of crackage when I sit down, lean forward, or cough.

Enter JAKs, a product designed by the Miss Oops company to serve as a "shirt extender" to hide those crack moments. Website description:

Jaks is an absolute must for women who are not willing to give up their low-rise jeans and partake in “mom jeans.” Jaks is worn over jeans and under tops—much like a shirt extender. It appears to be a lace camisole layered underneath your shirt- but actually, Jaks is the latest fashion weapon used to cover up butt-crack and muffin tops. Bend over and sit down ladies – Jaks has you covered! Sold Individually. Available in black, white, or beige. S/M and M/L.

OK, I haven't actually tried these. I'm not in a position to where I can pay $38 (plus shipping) for 1/3 of a shirt, but it's an excellent idea to a real problem. Just say no to crack!